Don't Dance With Your Food

There are not many things that bother me (Alright, that’s a gross misstatement as there are many things that bother me, but just go with it for now) . . . but lately there is something that is happening here in my pleasant burg that really disturbs and upsets me.  I see it as I come home from work or when I am picking up the children from their respective daycare or after school centers and it is really disturbing. 

What is this disturbance you ask?

Well rest assured I am going to tell you, but let me set the scene for you first. Picture it, a tired, slightly overweight black man (ok, for the nitpicky amongst you I will take out the word slightly) is driving down the highway.  He is hungry because he did not eat lunch that day (totally his fault) and he is feeling rather irritable because he has made a promise to himself to eat better and he is really craving some seriously fattening foods, but he has decided that for dinner he will eat some tuna on wheat bread (believe me this is huge considering that I was really craving Chinese food).  He is pleased with himself when suddenly, as he is driving down a busy highway, he sees a dancing sandwich.  He rubs his eyes to make sure that he is not seeing things because he is hungry after all and -- sure enough -- the sandwich is still there doing  “the wobble.”  Now clearly, this is a person in a sandwich suit whose sole job is to entice customers into his or her lair by dancing provocatively in the streets. I have a chuckle and continue to drive down another busy thoroughfare to go to the local Wal-Mart.  

As I get close to my destination, I cannot believe what I am seeing.  I see a person in an Uncle Sam costume dancing with another person in a Statue of Liberty costume.  I begin to think to myself, what in the heck is going on with this crazy town in which I live when suddenly, I then come across not one, but two people strumming make-believe guitars with signs advertising great pizza prices.  Really people?  Seriously?  These sightings are so wrong on so many levels that I am having trouble determining where to begin.  Let’s begin with the climate…it’s hot.  In fact, this city has yet to experience a solid week of cold weather for the winter and we are now quickly approaching summer.  So these people are dancing and cavorting in the streets wearing this hot garb and attempting to entice people to visit their places of employment.  This has got to be one miserable job, which brings me to my next point.

I ask you dear reader, have you ever driven down a highway, seen a dancing sandwich and thought to yourself, “Wow, that dancing sandwich makes me want to go in and purchase one.”  I know personally, I am not that easily swayed.  As for the dancing Statue of Liberty and Uncle Sam, (who were both pitching a tax return service) I just found them to be creepy and if I were looking for an establishment to help me with my taxes, these two would not be where I would want to take my personal papers.  In fact, once I saw them, I sped up.  Just recalling this encounter has me all wound up again.  And finally, can someone please tell me what strumming a fake guitar has to do with hawking pizzas?  I do not begrudge anyone for earning a decent living.   In fact, I admire it; but a part of me does wonder why these people don’t ask to have a job in the store making the sandwich or pizza, or greeting the customers when they come in for tax advice.  A part of me would like to know if these people truly feel that their antics in the street have generated more revenue.  If I had to guess, I would say that it has not.  I think that most people are like me . . . amused (or freaked out) at seeing them and keep going on with what they had originally planned.  However, on occasion, I have been known to be wrong, so if there is anyone out there who is reading this and works as a dancing sandwich or a fake guitar strummer, please let me know if your job does generate more business.  If I find out that I am wrong, I will write a “Part Two” to this story and will feature you in the blog.  Goodbye until next time dear reader and remember…always look for the funny.