Viva Lost Wages-Part 1

First, let me say that I had high hopes for the city of Lost Wages, I mean Las Vegas, because I had never visited and I was excited about the sites that I would see.  However, my hopes were clearly dashed once I arrived.  First, as I was struggling out of the airport to get to my hotel, I was accosted by this old man who gives me a card of a “cat house” and then tells me that the hookers are 25% off on Sunday.  How strange, I pondered.  I thought that the prostitutes rested on the seventh day.  Oh well.   After I explained to the gentleman that I was not interested, I began to wonder what made him approach me out of all of the men who had gotten off of the plane.  Did I look that desperate for female companionship?  But, I digress.  Finally, I made it to my shuttle and breathed a sigh of relief.  Unfortunately, my driver appeared to not know the brake from the gas and lurched so violently at one point that all of the passengers slid forward and almost fell off of our seats.  Fortunately, I made it in one piece and finally arrived at the Riviera.  I was not impressed.  It appears as if the 70’s died and this hotel was preserving its memory.  After waiting in line for 80 minutes, I finally made it to the front desk and was met with the oldest hotel reservationist that I have ever encountered.  As I was about to give him my name, his manager came up to him and asked if he had yet taken his break.  Apparently this was a sore subject for this man because he answered, and I quote, “Hell, I haven’t even taken my damn lunch yet.”  The manager looked at the gentleman and just laughed nervously and then looked at me to see what my reaction was.  I found it to be quite funny and apropos to the day that I was having so me being me, I laughed. The manager breathed an audible sigh of relief and the reservationist did not even get reprimanded.  I think that the hotel employees are all in unions and the manager did not want to deal with that headache on top of all of the guests who were attempting to check in to the hotel at that moment.  After checking in I was finally able to go to my room.  However, before I got there, I had to cut through cigarette smoke that was so thick it could choke a horse.  Whose idea was it to have the elevators located near the casino?  And what a casino it is.  I have been here for four days now and I have not seen a single patron smiling or appearing as if they are having fun in this casino.  Quite frankly, it’s depressing.   Yet, I must admit that the patrons were very diverse.  There were young patrons, old patrons, black patrons, Latino patrons, Asian patrons, white patrons, Indian patrons…you get the gist.  And they were all united in one cause…feeding the one armed bandits and not a single one of them was winning.

Finally, it was time to check out the city life of Las Vegas and a friend of mine (who I will call T.C.) and I decided to travel the way most tourists do, by bus.  Big mistake.  Now I am not an elitist, but this bus had us all squished like sardines and poor T.C. had to worry about his wallet possibly being picked by a woman who was no taller than 4 foot 2 and having his eye poked out by a very “busomy” woman who stood too close to him for comfort.  Finally, we fought our way off of the bus (well, T.C. fought and I just followed suit ) and visited the Bellagio.  Another big mistake.  The Bellagio was gorgeous.  I mean stunning.  It had dancing fountains, beautiful artwork in the lobby, wonderful garden sculptures, happy people in the casinos and what does our hotel have? Our hotel has an appearance by Andrew Dice Clay.  Really Las Vegas?  Seriously?  I know that I am here on business and that the room was included with the training, but we are so far from the strip and there is no action going on around this hotel, except for the few stray prostitutes who are not upscale enough to work near the Wynn, MGM Grand, or Caesar’s Palace.  Oh well.  However, staying at the Riviera has ensured that I stay focused on workshops as there is nothing (and I do mean nothing) that can sway me to skip a session (not that I would ever do that).  I still have three more days left in the city of Lost Wages.  Maybe part two of this story will include more fun-filled adventure.  Until next time dear reader, always look for the funny.